Conflicted.

Listening to: Slow Motion by Third Eye Blind

I’ve been out of school for almost a year now, and I’d like to think I can look back on my adolescence with a certain sense of objectivity.

The things I experienced then and the things I experience now are so much different yet at the same time share similarities.

School, work, youth group, first heartbreak (which I would not wish upon my worst enemy), the music I listened to then vs what I do now, just to name a few. 

I’ve done things I never thought I would even 6 months ago. My first two jobs practically fell into my lap and I took that for granted, because now I realize just how hard the job economy is.

What is important to me now is very different than what was important to me four years ago as a freshman in highschool or even just two years ago, or last year. I worried about hangout time with friends, getting to drive, independence, and doing “my own thing” (whatever I thought that was). Now I know that things like good credit, holding down a job, and skills like math and logic are what’s important. 

I wish I could go back and redo high school, the school aspect at least. There is so much I wish I had spent more time on and taken the time to learn. 

I have realized that teenagers are the most fake and fickle beings. The battles I fought with my parents aren’t even relevant anymore. What had set up a road block in my brain to constrict all logical thought and foresight? As much as it hurts to admit, my parents were right on a lot of things, especially money and love. More and more I wish I had listened to them instead of blocking them out. 

This month I was invited to a Plain White T’s concert (which was awesome) and the whole premise behind their latest CD is about all the things a person enjoys as a child such as innocence, lack of responsibilities, and things of that sort. Life is so much easier as a kid. As an new adult, it’s frustrating that to merely live costs SO MUCH. It doesn’t seem fair, yet that’s the way it’s been working for years and years and years.  

So this is me…letting out my frustration.

The world isn’t fair, and I don’t like it. 

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Thoughts In Transit - PM Today

We all grow up and forget
The dreams we had when we were kids
But I don’t think we really forget
We just realize that life is a disappointment
You cannot be whatever you want
Love isn’t real and Christmas is not magical
Like it used to be

Everyone is a machine
Work, eat, sleep, repeat